Episode 021: Restore Relating as an Adult to Parent ~ Part 1

How in the world are you supposed to manage a relationship with your parents when fraught with manipulation, stress, anger, trauma, etc? You love your parents, you want more from them.  However, the desire for repair becomes dull as you fear reliving some uncomfortable, painful dance from the past.

Listen in to today’s podcast for hope towards repair in the adult child/parent relationship.


“Parenting is a two-way relationship where you learn from each other.”   ~Juhi Chawla

Show Notes: 

Parenting, really is a two-way relationship, beginning with your child’s birth until the time of your passing.  If you remain open to it, you will continue to learn from one another.

Several theories suggest that everyone has experienced some form of harm/trauma while growing up in their family of origin.  The impact on each of us varies.

If your relationship is strained, then something has happened to it.  Likely, the harm happened in childhood.  Sometimes the harm happens further along the way, for various reasons.  

You may be in a wonderful relationship with your parents.  If so, consider one of two things may be going on:

1.  Neither the adult child or parent is present in the relationship- if this is happening, both parties are in a place of ‘wanting’.  

2. It’s possible there is a commitment on the parts of the adult child and parent to be humble and able to admit their flaws to one another, continuing to learn, grow, and change in a way that allows iron to sharpen iron, as both grow more Christlike

Advantages of working on your relationship with your parents:

Use the rough spots in your relationship with your parent as learning instruments to improve the relationship now.  

If you have children of your own, they will see your commitment to the relationship with your parents.  They will likely come to expect the same behavior with you as they become adults. 

Your actions are not only being watched, but as well, being interpreted, by your child.  She will hold onto her interpretation.  

A tough or broken relationship with your parents can be excruciatingly painful.  You do not grow out of a need for a healthy relationship with your parents.  

There is good news and bad news….

The new may not feel any better than the old.  In fact, it may feel worse.  This is to be expected and is normal.  However, this also opens the door to eventual positive change to occur and for a chance to experience repair in the relationship. 

Steps to Help with Moving Forward in Your Relationship with Your Parent(s): 

If you want to move forward in your relationship with your parents, look back to your childhood.  The break in your relationship began somewhere, likely your childhood.  Odds are, this break will continue until something is named and addressed.  

1. Name what is not working in the relationship-     

Are you aware of when & how the relationship became unhealthy?  Have you ever asked yourself when the relationship was ruptured?  Or do you just know that it’s ruptured?  Have you ever asked yourself when it began that both or all of you did not repair the fracture?  Do you even remember when all of this began?  Do you know how old you were?  Do you know the stories surrounding the rupture?  I am convinced that you have stories. These stories will speak to the rupture in the relationship.  Name and write down your story/stories that pertain to the rupture in your relationship. 

2. Discover several more tips, ideas, exercises…. 

Join me next week to hear more on this topic and to continue applying restorative measures to your relationship with your parents.  In the meantime, see if you can do your own naming of stories, adding as much detail to the scene as you can remember.  This will aid in the process for next week.  

1 Pet 4:8; Eph 5:21; 1 Pet 5:5; Phil 2:3; Prov 27:17; 2 Cor 4:16-18; 1 Pet 5:9-10